Settled

Things have been crazy lately. But also, somehow, not at all.

Here's the thing: I finished working full time at the restaurant two weekends ago. I picked up shifts here and there to clean as they were getting ready to close last week, but I was pretty much done. That's about 50 hours a week, gone.

Anyway, basically I'm in a transition phase right now. Trying to find other work somewhere else, going to several interviews a week, applying for a couple new jobs a day. It seems like my job prospects shift each new day with one phone call, one set of email exchanges, one rejection, one application. I've applied to upwards of... 50 jobs in the past month? And heard back from maybe about 10? And denied one offer, didn't get one offer, and still waiting on the others. Some, more promising than others. All with the purpose of making enough to move out.

I wrote at the beginning of the summer about purging my life and packing it up, ready to go. And this entire summer, I've been waiting for an opportunity to go. To move out of my parent's house, to have my life figured out, and to unpack and settle somewhere more permanent.

As it turns out, my parent's house has been my living place for the past five months. I never thought I'd still be here, and this whole waiting to leave thing is getting really exhausting. Having my life packed up and ready to go, like I was a guest in their house waiting to go to my real home, dragged on too long.

No matter how much longer I'l be here, I just need to settle. I need to unpack and to accept that this is my home now, even if that may change in a matter of weeks. I need to really be where I am (don't mind my cliches).

This attitude of packing all my belongings into the closet inadvertently gave me the mindset that I didn't belong, that this room wasn't really mine, that I was restless for a space that was really mine, later on. Maybe it's this instinctual fall nesting thing? Is that real? Apparently.

Anyway. I've unpacked. I've settled.

Still waiting for an opportunity to leave though. But now it will feel like moving from one home to another, instead of leaving vacation that dragged on to long. For this week at least. One day at at time.