Taking Stock 2.0

Welcome back to the blog. Haaaay.

So, it's senior year. I live with freshman, I'm making art in Senior Seminar, I'm trying to write and learn about art in other classes, I'm learning a lot about myself and my friends, I'm thinking about my future, I'm enjoying college like a Freshman, as a senior. Life is good.

Making : art. period. a stupid amount of art, and not very good stuff to begin with. some gems, but mostly crap. 

Cooking : .. um. what? #freshmandormprobs
Drinking : coffee and tea, always.
Reading: art history textbooks... eating that stuff up. 
Wanting: the best for my ladies, the best for me, sometimes very different things.
Looking: ..at potential jobs and internships ..forward to thanksgiving ..away from negativity.
Wasting: opportunities to sleep. Who needs sleep? Not the freshman.. so not me either.
Sewing: ...seeds in the minds of freshman?? Hopefully. 
Wishing: for time to relax. Like real time, you know? Without thinking about things in the back of my mind that I have to do. Real relaxation time.
Enjoying: learning the new slang words. Did you know bae stands for before anyone else?? Me either. #freshman
Waiting: dessert. lets be honest.
Liking: people who care deeply about others. I'm starting to notice this, and it really is a good trait.
Wondering: is the first year after you graduate college like the freshman year of the rest of your life?
Loving: sleep. It's a luxury.
Hoping: for my girls to learn a lot and grow a whole bunch this year.
Marveling: over our God. His power, His hand in our lives, and His infinite wonder.
Needing: sleep. coffee. time.
Smelling: nothing really... flu season, you know. 
Wearing: flannel. socks and birkenstocks. moccasins. fall things.
Following: the examples of my fellow RAs. They really wonderful people and much needed in my life.
Noticing: my selfishness. needing to fix it. praying about it. 
Knowing: that the rest of this year is not in my hands.. it's in His. and what a lovely thought that is. 
Thinking: not a lot. Mostly just feeling. 
Bookmarking: The Creatives Club (my most recent bookmark) as a jumping off point? 
Opening: my mind, heart and eyes to the outside world. 
Giggling: at most everything freshman do. In a loving way, of course. 

Playing: music, playgrounds, sports, with friends.

Feeling: loved, cared for, watched over, satisfied. 

summer at sea + goals and exciting to do's

Today is chilly, but that doesn't mean this photo of a warmer day previous isn't making me wanna get into a swimsuit. What follows is my summer at sea so far, and what I hope to do with the rest of it.

Once again I'm working on Lake Calhoun, a beautiful place indeed. Even when I'm not working, in there running, kayaking, eating and ice cream-ing. You just can't not be there, you know? I mean look at that lake sparkle. Seriously.

To top off the daily views of sailboats and water, so far I have read the original Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie, a brilliant writer. If you have never had the pleasure of reading the true and real children's story behind your favorite Disney movies, I highly recommend it. Peter Pan is a masterpiece of literature.

I followed that up with the less-eloquently-written but just as pirate-y and sea-fairing prequels to Peter Pan (as written by Dave Barry and Ridley Pierson decades later), Peter and the Starcatchers and Peter and the Shadow Thieves. [granted these were written for middle-schoolers but I giggled and became a 10-year-old all over again whilst reading]. There's something about that little flying boy and the pirates and the sea that really make me want to run away to Never land.

Of course, I have a never-ending list of books left to read over the summer, including several by Donald Miller, stories of art and artists, and some inspiring novels that I've been itching to stick my nose into.

Other summer tasks include visiting the farmer's market, doing plenty of craft-y and arts-y things of course, going to outdoor concerts and movies, creeping on my dream grad school and possibly making a few weekend cabin trips. Can't wait.

xoxo

A reflection on a semester of making (and a year of discovering talent)

This is the final product of what I made as a portfolio of my semester of making art every day. I am pretty proud of the final product, but not as proud of the accomplishments that it represents. Granted, I still have a long way to go to achieve where I want to be, and I sometimes feel way more behind than I really am. But I'm excited to go into summer with a fresh head on my shoulders and a fresh eye for creativity.

This semester, and this year really, have marked huge milestones for me. In the fall I took Graphic Design, which trained my eye towards typography and lettering. I learned a lot about what good design looks like and how lettering can enhance it. I also took feature writing, which - as it turns out - may be the kind of writing I really want to do. My Theology of Justice class gave me this epiphany earlier this year, and now I have a passion I can really work towards.

Over January I went to Kenya and met wonderful people in an entirely new part of the world where they do things drastically different. I got to see safari animals straight out of the Lion King, I got to meet orphans and journalists and nuns and restaurant owners who are working their way towards their own goals, and I was incredibly inspired by their hospitality and generosity towards us white kids. It could not have changed me in a better way.

This semester happened to be the single most stressful and busiest times of my life. I was taking a full credit load and working 3-4 jobs, which was actually nothing different than the past few semesters, but for some reason this semester really kicked me in the rear and spat in my face. I have never had so much to do in my entire life. What was upsetting was that all these classes are things that I was really inspired and wonderfully challenged by, and they are all things I really wanted to spend time on. I truly loved each and every class and job I had. But I just did not have sufficient time to spend on anything. This semester really proved my mother right, there is, in fact, such a thing as too much of a good thing. And never do I ever want to do it again.

But, here comes the benefits. This semester I learned a lot. I learned about how I deal with stress, I learned about art connections, I learned about my creative process and what is necessary for me to create and be fruitful. And I still have a lot left to learn.

Over the summer I am assigned to make a completely new body of work in preparation for my art senior seminar, and we are to prepare a show for the first week of September. Therefore, this girl will continue creating over the summer! So you should see some more art over here in the hole in the wall, just maybe not completely daily.

Follow up message, I am selling these! 50c each, 1.5 inches in diameter. For your laptop or waterbottle or forehead. These are what they look like:

Let me know if you like/want one. :)

Happy Summer!!

Book-making

This is a screen shot of the book I'm working on in InDesign, which is turning out to be pretty fun. Because I'm done for the semester with #artdaily, I'm taking the week to put together my book to send into print on Monday. Wheeeeeeee

Here's to a beautiful semester. To those of you who are on summer already... 

Shoot. Two more weeks left.

Happy Friday! 

Rejection and the art school

This is the very piece I spent hours on last week, you may recall. It's a labor of love, because at the end of the day, this piece didn't go anywhere. Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot from this experience, and I know how to deal with rejection. It just feels discouraging that I could never bring this piece up to par the way I wanted.

I always dreamed of going to an art school, studying music or art or something only really artsy people did. I used to dream about what it would be like to paint or draw for homework, to be in thesis shows and showcase performances, and to do academics in a way that academics would frown upon. And the funny thing is that it never felt like an attainable dream. I was always unsure of how I would fit into that area of study, or if I could even make it. Now here I sit, in a studio of my very own, a junior in the art & design department, directionless after a long semester of stretching myself. 

Honestly I'm feeling kind of burnt out. I don't know what else to make, or what else I can do to stick my neck out in an area that I've never felt very confident in my abilities. I'm expected to continue to create over the summer in expectation of a Senior Show at the beginning of the year, going into Senior Seminar and a Thesis exhibition. This all sounds really terrifying, honestly. What on earth am I expected to write an entire thesis paper on?

This past week was the last week of daily art expectations, and this coming week we are to put together a book of the work we've done over the course of the semester. This week will be a break of sorts, but also a winding up of everything else I have to do with my life, hashtag overwhelmed, ya feel me?

In the end, this was just a rambling post. But hey, it's a Monday, and it's beautiful out, and who even wants to get anything done you know?

a week in the life.

Art majors cram, just like everyone else, the week a big project is due. Here's an all-too-real snapshot of what my life looked like this past week, artwork needing to be done by 9am tomorrow morning:

Monday: class from 8:20am to 3:45pm (somehow I managed meals and a workout.)

In the studio 6-10:30pm. 

total of 4.5 hours

Tuesday: Studio from 8-11am

Class and work until 8pm 

Studio from 8:30-10:30pm

total of 5 hours

Wednesday (all three classes were cancelled, it's a miracle.) 

Studio from 8-10am

Buying art supplies from 10-11:30am

Work until 1:15

Studio from 1:30-6pm (!!)

Work 6-8pm 

A little more studio time, 10-11:30pm. 

total of 8 hours

Thursday: Studio from 9am-12:30pm

Class and work until 3pm

Finishing up pieces, last minute shopping for mounting etc. until ?? 

4.5 (ish) hours

Blogging right now as a break. Where do I even go from here? 

Happy Thursday!

By way of explanation

In case you were wondering, or in case you weren't wondering, I'm still around and doing art daily, but I just haven't been posting. I've been choosing to edit out the bad stuff, because a lot of it has been bad stuff lately. Things have been haphazard, poorly executed, and not nearly enough. To be honest, it's been hard these past couple weeks. 

BUT! Things are looking up. This week is the week of a juried student exhibition, and our work is to be ready by this Friday before 9am. aaaaand, needless to say, I had all these ideas of what to do for the show and I didn't have time for them until this week. OF COURSE, duh, hashtag story of my life. 

So. On Monday I spent 3-4 hours in the studio, on Tuesday I spent 2 hours, and today I spent a good 7 hours. in. the. dang. studio.  It was so great, I played music so long that my phone died. I even worked right through a class that met in that room. Didn't even notice. Nailed it.

I'll post my beautiful work of art when it's done, it's going to be up on that there chalkboard. I'm planning something playful. Ya dig?

Hopefully I'll be remembering to post more often, but things are getting a little crazy around here. I just realized that after this week I only have 2 more weeks of classes?? What on earth where did this year go I never even finished reading Peter Pan. That's all I have to say. 

Happy Hump Day!

I didn't make any art today. Whatever.

In my last post I said I had a lot going on. Thirty hours later, only now do I realize how really and truly true that was.

Last night I felt more overwhelmed than I ever have. I'm the kind of person who doesn't really get stressed until I absolutely could not have ANYTHING else on my plate without physically breaking down. And last night was the first time I really broke down.

So no, I don't have any art to show today. I didn't really get much done today, other than studying for a test I have tomorrow. Because I've decided to take things one day at a time.

You know the moment you really lose control and finally realize that you actually can't do it all on your own? Last night, that was really real for, I think, the first time in my life. I really can't do anything at all on my own. Who can? Honestly. Why do we even think that way? Bogus, I tell you. Insanity.

It's a really beautiful thing to break down. Bear with me.. but I honestly think that it's one of the most redemptive and healing things. There's something special about emptying yourself of all your known worth and power, and surrendering it. There's a humility that wasn't there before, and there's a trust that wasn't there before. There's a new laughter at the absurdity of life that wasn't there before, at least not in the past few weeks.

Today I did wonderful things that made me really happy, too. In class today we all worked together to make plaster molds, and sometimes everyone helping out and assembly-line type stuff really gets me. Like we all worked together and bonded and our clothes all got really dirty together and it was wonderful.

Immediately following that I went for a run outside in the rain. It washed all the silicone and plaster off of my dry skin and felt like an angel bath in whipped cream and coconut water. It was cold but super refreshing, you know, like after a long day of sledding in a fresh snow and then coming home to a roaring fire and hot chocolate. It rocked.

Those kinds of things really help. To focus on one wonderful thing at a time, only thinking a few hours ahead of yourself, only focusing on the good that's happening. It's been a good day post-breakdown. It somehow always is, you know?

Whitely sings a great song called 'More Than Life,' <-- and this was fantastic, it helped a lot. If you ever find yourself in a situation like this.

Yay, thanks for making it to the end of this pictureless post and for being with me in my honesty!

Happy Wednesday (almost Thursday!)

So. Much. Going. On.

Some artsy things that went on this weekend and this morning.

I don't really have anything to say today, other than I'm incredibly overwhelmed. But also really excited about what's going on. I have some commissions going right now, and those make life exciting but also overwhelming. I have so much homework, which is exciting and overwhelming. Summer is coming, which is exciting and overwhelming. So much going on!!!!!!

Happy Tuesday! 

Old School

Did you ever think about what your school might have been like in the Medieval era? I do. I've been looking at pictures of Oxford lately, a gorgeous school, with amazing architecture and such a pretty campus and city. WHY can't my school look like that? Where did you get those medieval builders? How do we order them? Ebay?

I also found this artist who has taken modern movie titles and made them vintage-y, which I thought was an amazing idea. So I took the new movie Transcendence (with Johnny Depp that I really want to see, because Johnny Depp) and tried to make that title vintage-y but the word got too long and went off the page so I cut off the last part. Whatever.

I have been quite the slacker lately, if you haven't noticed. This weekend is easter break and hopefully it will be a break. I definitely need it.

Happy Thursday!

Recently

Recently I seem to be in a bit of a rut. I'm stuck. I keep getting behind. I do things I'm not entirely proud of, even though I can see myself improving skill-wise. I just want to improve with ideas, and with works. You know what I mean?

I know I'm capable of much more then I'm doing. I want to extend my boundaries, and work towards bigger and better things. I want to make something big, something complete that I'm proud of. I'm sick of working towards an unknown goal, I want to reach it already, darn it.

This spring is busy and exciting. I'm working on 3 or 4 commissions simultaneously, and plan to get a lot done over Easter Break (knock on wood, fingers crossed) but I am still swamped. Classes are picking up and I know I'm only going to keep getting busier. I want summer, but I don't at the same time. I want to enjoy my last semester as a true upperclassmen with my friends. And I hope to make the most of the last month by cranking out things that I'm proud of.

Happy Tuesday!

I'M AN ARTIST

YAY! I'M AN ARTIST.

This is the finished piece that me and a friend made for another friend. My first commissioned piece! I personally think its awesome, though there are things that I would change for next time. Of course I notice everything wrong with it.

He had asked us to use this prayer, which was super long and gorgeous, but long. It was a fun challenge to have to work with something so large and on such a large scale, and trying to figure out how to have decorative elements along with the words, so that either one wouldn't overpower the other. Overall I think it was a success, let me know what you think!

Happy Wednesday!

p.s. check out my girl Heidi's work over on her blog. She rocks.

Title.

You know how when you make something you're super proud of you put it online and then suddenly you find everything wrong with it? Blarg. 

Either way, I've been working on a new header for this here blog, because it's looking a little boring around here lately. I'm going to be changing some things around.

I have a new obsession with black and gold, so that might happen. 

Happy Tuesday!

Shoot the moon

A little bit of today and a little bit of this weekend that I forgot to post.

Notice the playing cards illusions? Playing cards were a big part of my childhood. My family was always playing a game with a deck of cards, whether it was go-fish when we were younger to Euchre once we started getting initiated into the big-leagues. Whatever your game, you love a good deck of cards. You know you do. 

Whenever my cousins and I would play Hearts, I would always try to shoot the moon. No matter what was in my hand, I was all or nothing, going big or going home, hammering out those cards. Of course, they catch on right away that I was trying to shoot the moon, and they foil my plans. But sometimes, I would manage it with the most bogus hand you've ever seen. I just loved the feeling of not only winning, but winning. You know? Like I-beat-literally-all-of-you-and-shot-the-freakin'-moon. How much better can it get. 

Anyway, lately I've been fascinated with playing cards, their history, and the designs on them. Did you know that the deck of playing cards originated in China? Who knew? Not me, until I learned it. 

Happy Monday!

A note on insecurity

I'm an art major. You know the stereotypes: hipster glasses, piercings, tattoos of artsy things, sketchbook and paintbrushes in hand, introverted, kinda weird. And its surprising to find that a lot of those things are true.

Things change a bit when you go to a Christian college. There are definitely hipster glasses and piercings and tattoos. The tattoos are of Hebrew letters and Bible verses, crosses, appropriate things. The sketchbook is full of Christian appropriate things. The weird comments are always appropriate.

Do you know how much this cultivates insecurity? I have a lot of friends who are art majors. We all participate in critiques together. Let me just say, critique days are my least favorite days. You put up your work, blood sweat and tears, and all your insecurities up for people to judge. And the worst part is, they don't even say anything mean about it. Ever. 

You know they're thinking it. Oh, wow, those colors really don't work together. She needs to tighten things up. It's really not that great… I know this because I've thought these things about other people's work. But I would never dream of saying these things out loud. There's always pressure to come up with something positive. Always. 

Why is knowing they're thinking it but not saying it so much worse then hearing the words outright? The worst for me was my junior review, when I put all my favorite things up for the entire Art Department faculty and staff to judge. They said almost nothing. And when people say nothing, you know their minds are thinking a million miles a minute, but they're struggling to come up with something nice to say. 

There was literally silence for a good couple minutes. Two whole minutes practically. 

That made me really insecure. I have to be honest, ever since that day I have felt really crappy about what I've been doing. I have a hard time not comparing myself to people. I love people in the art department, but it's hard to not compare yourself to people, especially when your work is set up right next to someone else's on a giant board and the entire class is looking at them. 

I'm insecure about my work. I'll be honest. And there is a big portion of work that I don't show on here for that very reason. I'll be honest. But in an attempt to get over that, I'm posting things here for the world to see. Hopefully the entire world isn't looking, and dear Lord please let the entire Christian world keep their eyes off.

Stop being so precious

My goal was to work with the phrase 'murder your darlings' this week, but its only the second day and I already worry for myself. I adore what the phrase stands for, but it just sounds creepy. So maybe something else? That kind of sounds like it? lovely. That's where 'stop being so precious' comes from.

This phrase was coined by my U14 soccer coach, Jim Kosmas. Jimbo was insane in the best of ways. He would yell all sorts of things to us middle school girls like we were supposed to understand him: he'd be all don't stop whipping those flying saucers and never loose that power and finesse! and we're on the field like …what? meanwhile the other team is scoring. 

One thing he always said that I actually understood was stop being so precious! This makes total sense to me. As a tomboy in middle school, I would always get frustrated with the girls who would be too precious on the field. Go hard, dude! But your back into it, all or nothing, %110, all. the. time. Precious refers to being too careful, trying to make it perfect, doing what you're comfortable with, etc. Just BOOT THAT BALL INTO THE NET dangit. No matter how you do it, even it if aint pretty, just get it in.

Good art-making motto, and life motto too, Jimbo. He will probably never know that this phrase had such an impact on me.  

Happy Tuesday, and stop being so precious!

Murder your Darlings

Meaning: don't keep using things you are good at or that are precious to you. Expand your horizons, try new things. Don't get too wrapped up in something that you fail to see its shortcomings.

This has been particularly helpful as I navigate artist ruts and episodes of un-inspiration and embarrassment at failure. I'm at the point in the semester where I'm feeling stuck, like I've hit a wall and I can't quite break it down to the glory and amazing talent on the other side. See, I don't even know what's on the other side cause I haven't even broken down the wall yet. I don't have the means to, I'm just standing there staring at it. 

Murder your darlings is supposedly a F. Scott Fitzgerald quote, supposedly from the Great Gatsby, but I have read the whole book and have not stumbled across it yet. Which means it's probably not there. But nevertheless, it's still inspiring. 

Good luck getting out of ruts this week! Murder your darlings.

Happy Monday!

installation art?

The week before break was stressful. So, needless to say, I did all my artwork for the week on Sunday night. It took me nearly 7 hours. I was up until 4:30 in the morning... which is not normal. But its crazy how you get going and you forget that all the lights are off and your roommates have been asleep for at least 5 hours, and you're on movie number 3 to keep you going. 

Anyway. These were a product of Sunday night. And, as late as it was, I actually love them. I'm continuing to work with broken mirrors and maybe some more chalkboard. I made a challenge for myself this week to make my artwork public in some way. Not just a picture of it, but the physical artwork. I want to put my work in places for people to see them. This freaks me out, but I'm doing it anyway!

Happy Tuesday!

Pacific Northwestern things//how I cured my artist slump

I had a break from creating this week, as I was fully occupied with doing adventure-y type things in Washington state. A lovely state indeed.

We did many things like frolic in the tall tree'd woods, wander up high mountains, look over quiet waters, and I did some serious soul restoring.

Before I left, I was in a serious artist slump, as the title suggested. You know what a slump is, whether you know that you know it or not. It's when you're just not into it. AT ALL. Seriously people. There is nothing in the world I least wanted to do less last week than create any kind of art. This break came at the perrrrfect time.

Something happens to you when you're in the presence of a mountain. I can't describe it well, but if you've ever been there you know what I mean. Its a simultaneous I'm-going-to-vomit, I-can't-handle-this, I-wanna-live-there, I'm-breathless, I'm-dying feeling. You know? Like everything you know is gone and the mountain is the new love of your life. You want to run away screaming and jump and fly over the whole thing at the same time. Wat.

I hope that made some sense. I can't really use words to describe it. If only facial expressions were allowed on blogs, I think that would help.

Anyway. Back at it this week. I'm now inspired by nature and will maybe make some nature-y things. Happy Monday!

Commissions and other such mishaps

This weekend I had the joy of working on something extra special. A friend and I created this super amazing piece by request from another friend. It was a blast to create.

We made it on chalkboard canvas and used chalk, white paint, gold ink and markers, and a lot of planning. It was modeled after a manuscript page, and it was of a lovely poem piece that touched my heart over the course of this past Saturday when I spent the whole day with it. And what a dandy companion that little piece was.

I will post the full picture soon!

Happy Monday! 

SUCESS AT LAST!

Today I snuck in the room. THE ROOM! The secret room where dreams come true. I am working on something fun to submit for a possible portfolio item. 

I've also discovered that working large is much more fun because there is more room for mistakes, which happen quite a lot. And it makes me feel much more like an artist working on an installation piece rather than a student doodling in a sketchbook. If you know what I mean. 

happy FRIDAYYY

In which I fail on two sleuthy accounts and go online shopping instead

Some inspiration images of what I had wanted to do today.

This week we were supposed to use a different kind of media. I was sick of pencil and paper anyway, and upon daydreaming in class I came up with this super undercover, private-eye kind of mission. 

So. My Wednesdays are usually very busy and I just don't have time to drag my butt on down to my studio. I'm normally busy busy straight through until about 9:15pm, and by then all I want to do is nothing. But yesterday, at around 6pm I got this wonderful idea which kept me going all through work. I happen to have a key to a super secretive room because of one of my jobs, and it has a chalkboard running all the way around the room. I had been inspired by Dana Tanamachi lately, and I had wanted to try some chalkboard lettering. 

So I told only one friend about my secretive endeavors. she gladly agreed to meet me in the secret room after she grabbed some things. On my way over, I saw my roommate. I lead her to the secret room, and we started talking, the way you do when you haven't seen someone you love in a whole 7 HOURS (for golly sake). 

So we're blabbing away, by now it's about 9:30, and there's no sign of the friend I asked to meet me there. All of a sudden, several guys walk into the room holding brooms and buckets. They're all oh uhhhh, we need to clean this room and we're all oh! okay no problem we'll leave right away and they're all oops we probably interrupted something really intense because apparently me and my roommate always look like we're about to burst out crying when we are talking. awk.

So we left. We walked back to our room because my dreams of chalkboard-sketching-late-at-night had been shattered. My friend tried to find us but instead saw the guys who walked in on our apparently deep and intense conversation. So she went home too.

Discouraged, I woke up this morning and had another brilliant plan. There is a HUGE stack of cardboard in the Senior Sem studio space. I wanted to make letters out of cardboard!! there is a sign over the stack in the studio that's all don't take cardboard without permission and I'm all dude. I failed last night on my sleuthy attempt at art, and I will not fail again! I tried to grab one from the bottom of the stack so the note-writer maybe wouldn't notice, but allas, I was not strong enough. I tried from the middle, and kindof towards the top, but I couldn't do it! There were some kind of synthetic donut-looking things on top of the stack that was maybe someone's art project, and I didn't want to disrupt that. So I gave in on yet another attempt at secretive undercover art. 

I am not browsing amazon right now with my new gift card. Probably. 

happy thursday!

Everyone knows the opening line of the Great Gatsby

Despite the title, that's not the answer. That's a C. S. Lewis quote, duh.

In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.

"Whenever you feel like criticizing any one," he told me, "just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."

You have heard this, whether or not you remember or even faintly (don't) recognize it. You've heard it. It's brilliant. This is the kind of writing that gets you, to the core. ugh, I mean really. How does he do it? Where can I get the Fitzgerald gene? Is there some magical word bank in the clouds that I can have access to? Do you need a membership or password?

One day. Courage, dear heart.

Or something like that. 

happy Tuesday!