I'm an art major. You know the stereotypes: hipster glasses, piercings, tattoos of artsy things, sketchbook and paintbrushes in hand, introverted, kinda weird. And its surprising to find that a lot of those things are true.
Things change a bit when you go to a Christian college. There are definitely hipster glasses and piercings and tattoos. The tattoos are of Hebrew letters and Bible verses, crosses, appropriate things. The sketchbook is full of Christian appropriate things. The weird comments are always appropriate.
Do you know how much this cultivates insecurity? I have a lot of friends who are art majors. We all participate in critiques together. Let me just say, critique days are my least favorite days. You put up your work, blood sweat and tears, and all your insecurities up for people to judge. And the worst part is, they don't even say anything mean about it. Ever.
You know they're thinking it. Oh, wow, those colors really don't work together. She needs to tighten things up. It's really not that great… I know this because I've thought these things about other people's work. But I would never dream of saying these things out loud. There's always pressure to come up with something positive. Always.
Why is knowing they're thinking it but not saying it so much worse then hearing the words outright? The worst for me was my junior review, when I put all my favorite things up for the entire Art Department faculty and staff to judge. They said almost nothing. And when people say nothing, you know their minds are thinking a million miles a minute, but they're struggling to come up with something nice to say.
There was literally silence for a good couple minutes. Two whole minutes practically.
That made me really insecure. I have to be honest, ever since that day I have felt really crappy about what I've been doing. I have a hard time not comparing myself to people. I love people in the art department, but it's hard to not compare yourself to people, especially when your work is set up right next to someone else's on a giant board and the entire class is looking at them.
I'm insecure about my work. I'll be honest. And there is a big portion of work that I don't show on here for that very reason. I'll be honest. But in an attempt to get over that, I'm posting things here for the world to see. Hopefully the entire world isn't looking, and dear Lord please let the entire Christian world keep their eyes off.
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