By way of explanation

In case you were wondering, or in case you weren't wondering, I'm still around and doing art daily, but I just haven't been posting. I've been choosing to edit out the bad stuff, because a lot of it has been bad stuff lately. Things have been haphazard, poorly executed, and not nearly enough. To be honest, it's been hard these past couple weeks. 

BUT! Things are looking up. This week is the week of a juried student exhibition, and our work is to be ready by this Friday before 9am. aaaaand, needless to say, I had all these ideas of what to do for the show and I didn't have time for them until this week. OF COURSE, duh, hashtag story of my life. 

So. On Monday I spent 3-4 hours in the studio, on Tuesday I spent 2 hours, and today I spent a good 7 hours. in. the. dang. studio.  It was so great, I played music so long that my phone died. I even worked right through a class that met in that room. Didn't even notice. Nailed it.

I'll post my beautiful work of art when it's done, it's going to be up on that there chalkboard. I'm planning something playful. Ya dig?

Hopefully I'll be remembering to post more often, but things are getting a little crazy around here. I just realized that after this week I only have 2 more weeks of classes?? What on earth where did this year go I never even finished reading Peter Pan. That's all I have to say. 

Happy Hump Day!

I didn't make any art today. Whatever.

In my last post I said I had a lot going on. Thirty hours later, only now do I realize how really and truly true that was.

Last night I felt more overwhelmed than I ever have. I'm the kind of person who doesn't really get stressed until I absolutely could not have ANYTHING else on my plate without physically breaking down. And last night was the first time I really broke down.

So no, I don't have any art to show today. I didn't really get much done today, other than studying for a test I have tomorrow. Because I've decided to take things one day at a time.

You know the moment you really lose control and finally realize that you actually can't do it all on your own? Last night, that was really real for, I think, the first time in my life. I really can't do anything at all on my own. Who can? Honestly. Why do we even think that way? Bogus, I tell you. Insanity.

It's a really beautiful thing to break down. Bear with me.. but I honestly think that it's one of the most redemptive and healing things. There's something special about emptying yourself of all your known worth and power, and surrendering it. There's a humility that wasn't there before, and there's a trust that wasn't there before. There's a new laughter at the absurdity of life that wasn't there before, at least not in the past few weeks.

Today I did wonderful things that made me really happy, too. In class today we all worked together to make plaster molds, and sometimes everyone helping out and assembly-line type stuff really gets me. Like we all worked together and bonded and our clothes all got really dirty together and it was wonderful.

Immediately following that I went for a run outside in the rain. It washed all the silicone and plaster off of my dry skin and felt like an angel bath in whipped cream and coconut water. It was cold but super refreshing, you know, like after a long day of sledding in a fresh snow and then coming home to a roaring fire and hot chocolate. It rocked.

Those kinds of things really help. To focus on one wonderful thing at a time, only thinking a few hours ahead of yourself, only focusing on the good that's happening. It's been a good day post-breakdown. It somehow always is, you know?

Whitely sings a great song called 'More Than Life,' <-- and this was fantastic, it helped a lot. If you ever find yourself in a situation like this.

Yay, thanks for making it to the end of this pictureless post and for being with me in my honesty!

Happy Wednesday (almost Thursday!)

So. Much. Going. On.

Some artsy things that went on this weekend and this morning.

I don't really have anything to say today, other than I'm incredibly overwhelmed. But also really excited about what's going on. I have some commissions going right now, and those make life exciting but also overwhelming. I have so much homework, which is exciting and overwhelming. Summer is coming, which is exciting and overwhelming. So much going on!!!!!!

Happy Tuesday! 

Old School

Did you ever think about what your school might have been like in the Medieval era? I do. I've been looking at pictures of Oxford lately, a gorgeous school, with amazing architecture and such a pretty campus and city. WHY can't my school look like that? Where did you get those medieval builders? How do we order them? Ebay?

I also found this artist who has taken modern movie titles and made them vintage-y, which I thought was an amazing idea. So I took the new movie Transcendence (with Johnny Depp that I really want to see, because Johnny Depp) and tried to make that title vintage-y but the word got too long and went off the page so I cut off the last part. Whatever.

I have been quite the slacker lately, if you haven't noticed. This weekend is easter break and hopefully it will be a break. I definitely need it.

Happy Thursday!

Recently

Recently I seem to be in a bit of a rut. I'm stuck. I keep getting behind. I do things I'm not entirely proud of, even though I can see myself improving skill-wise. I just want to improve with ideas, and with works. You know what I mean?

I know I'm capable of much more then I'm doing. I want to extend my boundaries, and work towards bigger and better things. I want to make something big, something complete that I'm proud of. I'm sick of working towards an unknown goal, I want to reach it already, darn it.

This spring is busy and exciting. I'm working on 3 or 4 commissions simultaneously, and plan to get a lot done over Easter Break (knock on wood, fingers crossed) but I am still swamped. Classes are picking up and I know I'm only going to keep getting busier. I want summer, but I don't at the same time. I want to enjoy my last semester as a true upperclassmen with my friends. And I hope to make the most of the last month by cranking out things that I'm proud of.

Happy Tuesday!

I'M AN ARTIST

YAY! I'M AN ARTIST.

This is the finished piece that me and a friend made for another friend. My first commissioned piece! I personally think its awesome, though there are things that I would change for next time. Of course I notice everything wrong with it.

He had asked us to use this prayer, which was super long and gorgeous, but long. It was a fun challenge to have to work with something so large and on such a large scale, and trying to figure out how to have decorative elements along with the words, so that either one wouldn't overpower the other. Overall I think it was a success, let me know what you think!

Happy Wednesday!

p.s. check out my girl Heidi's work over on her blog. She rocks.

Title.

You know how when you make something you're super proud of you put it online and then suddenly you find everything wrong with it? Blarg. 

Either way, I've been working on a new header for this here blog, because it's looking a little boring around here lately. I'm going to be changing some things around.

I have a new obsession with black and gold, so that might happen. 

Happy Tuesday!

Shoot the moon

A little bit of today and a little bit of this weekend that I forgot to post.

Notice the playing cards illusions? Playing cards were a big part of my childhood. My family was always playing a game with a deck of cards, whether it was go-fish when we were younger to Euchre once we started getting initiated into the big-leagues. Whatever your game, you love a good deck of cards. You know you do. 

Whenever my cousins and I would play Hearts, I would always try to shoot the moon. No matter what was in my hand, I was all or nothing, going big or going home, hammering out those cards. Of course, they catch on right away that I was trying to shoot the moon, and they foil my plans. But sometimes, I would manage it with the most bogus hand you've ever seen. I just loved the feeling of not only winning, but winning. You know? Like I-beat-literally-all-of-you-and-shot-the-freakin'-moon. How much better can it get. 

Anyway, lately I've been fascinated with playing cards, their history, and the designs on them. Did you know that the deck of playing cards originated in China? Who knew? Not me, until I learned it. 

Happy Monday!

A note on insecurity

I'm an art major. You know the stereotypes: hipster glasses, piercings, tattoos of artsy things, sketchbook and paintbrushes in hand, introverted, kinda weird. And its surprising to find that a lot of those things are true.

Things change a bit when you go to a Christian college. There are definitely hipster glasses and piercings and tattoos. The tattoos are of Hebrew letters and Bible verses, crosses, appropriate things. The sketchbook is full of Christian appropriate things. The weird comments are always appropriate.

Do you know how much this cultivates insecurity? I have a lot of friends who are art majors. We all participate in critiques together. Let me just say, critique days are my least favorite days. You put up your work, blood sweat and tears, and all your insecurities up for people to judge. And the worst part is, they don't even say anything mean about it. Ever. 

You know they're thinking it. Oh, wow, those colors really don't work together. She needs to tighten things up. It's really not that great… I know this because I've thought these things about other people's work. But I would never dream of saying these things out loud. There's always pressure to come up with something positive. Always. 

Why is knowing they're thinking it but not saying it so much worse then hearing the words outright? The worst for me was my junior review, when I put all my favorite things up for the entire Art Department faculty and staff to judge. They said almost nothing. And when people say nothing, you know their minds are thinking a million miles a minute, but they're struggling to come up with something nice to say. 

There was literally silence for a good couple minutes. Two whole minutes practically. 

That made me really insecure. I have to be honest, ever since that day I have felt really crappy about what I've been doing. I have a hard time not comparing myself to people. I love people in the art department, but it's hard to not compare yourself to people, especially when your work is set up right next to someone else's on a giant board and the entire class is looking at them. 

I'm insecure about my work. I'll be honest. And there is a big portion of work that I don't show on here for that very reason. I'll be honest. But in an attempt to get over that, I'm posting things here for the world to see. Hopefully the entire world isn't looking, and dear Lord please let the entire Christian world keep their eyes off.

Stop being so precious

My goal was to work with the phrase 'murder your darlings' this week, but its only the second day and I already worry for myself. I adore what the phrase stands for, but it just sounds creepy. So maybe something else? That kind of sounds like it? lovely. That's where 'stop being so precious' comes from.

This phrase was coined by my U14 soccer coach, Jim Kosmas. Jimbo was insane in the best of ways. He would yell all sorts of things to us middle school girls like we were supposed to understand him: he'd be all don't stop whipping those flying saucers and never loose that power and finesse! and we're on the field like …what? meanwhile the other team is scoring. 

One thing he always said that I actually understood was stop being so precious! This makes total sense to me. As a tomboy in middle school, I would always get frustrated with the girls who would be too precious on the field. Go hard, dude! But your back into it, all or nothing, %110, all. the. time. Precious refers to being too careful, trying to make it perfect, doing what you're comfortable with, etc. Just BOOT THAT BALL INTO THE NET dangit. No matter how you do it, even it if aint pretty, just get it in.

Good art-making motto, and life motto too, Jimbo. He will probably never know that this phrase had such an impact on me.  

Happy Tuesday, and stop being so precious!